I must have slept for a while

Today I woke and wondered what the hell had happened. My head was killing me and my eyes were full of enough grit to fill a beach. Dried tears no doubt. Why am I so sad all the time? Crying while awake, and crying while asleep.

Hope - are you still with me??????

Reaching - Don't let go of my hand...

The child reached as deeply as she could into the well. Careful to not let go of Hope's hand. As the tears blurred her vision, she gasped for air as her breath escaped her.

'Reach damnit - REACH! He can't have those dreams, regrets, and painful memories'!

The Storm

As the child reached for her tears, Defeat sent up to the night, gusts of dread. With each cackle of sickening taunts, came terrifying bursts of thunder. Icy rain sliced into Hope's wings, as she maintained her hold on the child. Hope watched through her own tears, as the rain cut into the child, draining her inner strength, and feeding on her sadness. Soon crimson droplets were descending into the hands of Defeat.

Yet as the storm raged and battered Hope's wings and the child's spirit, the two became one. The challenge of the well could be won. Defeat who was still laughing, had not noticed, that ever so slightly, the storm was losing its strength. Hope lifted her shimmering hazel eyes to the heavens, and whispered - 'Thank you...'

The clouds, moving slow, began to reveal light under the darkness. Layers of ebony, charcoal, and onyx began to wither, revealing grey, periwinkle, and blush. The child breathed deeply, and spoke to herself quietly, 'Do this - you must. For if you do not, you can never truly forgive yourself for your past'. DO THIS NOW - with Hope by your side.

The child looking away from her fallen tears, caught Hope's hazel eyes, and saw that she remained faithful. Her wings, broken and tattered, had managed to weather the storm. Hope called to the child, 'Aura Luna has returned to guide you to your tears'. The child pursued her tears once more with Aura Luna's smile casting a prism of brilliant light into the deeper realms of the well.

                                                         

On the Other Side

On the "sane" part of the well - there seemed to be a more logical conversation at hand.

Or was it?

'I should see a shrink. After all, even with two antidepressants I feel most days as if I am clinging to reality by an unravelling thread. Heaven forbid, that I go off of the meds, even for one day. The headaches pound so loud as to wake the dead, and my grip on life becomes a constant battle with each hour that passes. My thoughts twist within themselves and I lose any control of my mind that I may have had. Time for counseling?'

I believe so..........

The Pain of the Past returns...

With each tear that fell, a memory came to life, ripping her heart apart. These memories were not the ones she cherished, but the ones that she tried so desperately to keep locked away. Painful, angry, and tragic memories that helped her become what she is now, lost...

Hope knew that with each sob that rocked her soul, the child was using to build her strength, by giving into the sorrow. So many years of placing the sorrow in a locked cage, and never grieving for the losses, put a strain on her heart and soul. A release that is long overdue and necessary, to bring this child out of the Well.

Defeat smiled in the darkest depths of the well. For he would soon hold in his hands, the pain that tormented this child so. Aura Luna and Hope could see this ghastly grin. The eyes of hell laughing at them both, as Hope still cradled the child in her arms and cried with her. Soon she knew that the battle of the Well would be fought between Defeat and the child alone.

Out of the night came a sound that would wake the Heavens - the child pulled herself up from Hope's chest and cried out- 'Hope, please help me gather them to myself and hide them from him'!! Hope breathed a sigh of relief. Before Hope could speak, the child began reaching for her fallen tears. Hope held her close, but only enough to prevent her from ending her life by plummeting into the deepest realms of the Well.

                                             

Deep within the Well....

Please help me find my way out of here....

Memories, tears...

The memories that the wind took, that Hope stole back from the night, held significant sorrow. Her wings were heavy with lost dreams, names of loves that came and went, friends hearts who became too distant to reach, lost time where second chances were given but pushed aside, and risks that were never taken. A life laced with tears.

Why had the mask of happiness been worn so often? Hope knew why this child cried even when she appeared to be laughing - she was put on this earth to make others happy. She has carried so many tears of others in her heart, those of which gave her great strength, to continue living. For her to sustain her life, she brought comfort, warm embraces, laughter, and enlightenment to those who knew her. Yet, she cried almost every moment of her life, feeling as there was no one to share her own tears with.

Hope knew of the lost child, the divorces, loss of family and friends, and the impact of all on this tender heart. She is so much stronger than she feels at this point in her life. However, right now, the Well had taken hold and bound her.

Hope asked Aura Luna to shed some light onto the tears of this child. She knew that Aura Luna wept for her as well. With the light on the child's face, her tears became prism like, as they fell from her eyes. Hope watched them glisten as they fell deep into the well, as her own tears danced among those of the child.

A heart's memories....

As the night winds continued to carry away pieces of her heart, Hope reached for them to tuck them safely away in Her wings. She knew that they would be untouchable there by Defeat. When this child was ready to stand on her own, and face her heartaches, they would be returned to her. How many moments of time inbetween now and then was unknown.

Defeat knew that as long as Hope was near this child, that she could recover, and find her way out of this well. However, the longer he taunted her, the less she would put her trust in Hope. The weaker she would become. What skeleton could be drawn out now? There are many, but to push the child deeper into the well, which had she still not forgiven herself for?

The heart's memories are held in many rooms. Some small as a raindrop, others large as a mansion. Yet some lay hidden behind doors only the soul can open. Those that still cause the blood to flow and drain the life from its vessel, those are the ones that Defeat needed to reach. 
                                                            

Giving up....

 

The tears uncontrollably fell from her eyes, as her body was rocked to the core with sobs that took her breath away. Hope gathered her even closer, and covered her with Her wings. 'Please hush dear, breathe, and listen to only my lyrics'.

Defeat's laughter continued to bounce from the cold stones of the well. With each cackle, Hope felt as though this precious one, would crumble in her arms. Hope whispered gentle words into her ears, and wiped the tears from her eyes. She questioned herself - 'Can my encouragement and love bring my dearest through this trial'? Hope began to doubt herself, as she could not calm the precious one in her embrace.

She felt as if she was bleeding out each heartache from her life, over and over. Her strength was draining, her heart felt empty, and even with her eyes open, she could see nothing more than darkness. 'Don't give up, don't give up, don't give up...' These words did move her to look into Hope's eyes for comfort and strength.
Hope returned her glance, and smiled softly.

Before Hope's strength could be drawn into her soul, Defeat laughed with a thunderous roar. Terrified, she retreated under Hope's wings once more. Yes, becoming the champion of the wells, was proving more dificult than she could ever imagine. With her tears flowing down her own face, Hope could see that this precious one had weakend again, as had she.

As the battle continued, the sorrowful reflections of this heavy heart, were forever entwined in the night's wind. With each gust that tumbled into the well, they began to carry parts of her heart away.

                                                                                   
                                          

The Voice of Defeat

With the night, came the mystery of what lies in wait, deep within the well. For a while only the night songs could be heard. Soothing echos of dreams still very much alive. Hope smiled and looked to the sky, for a glimpse of Aura Luna. As quickly as Luna returned her smile, she turned away as if to say - "He is near, be careful".

Hope could sense what Aura Luna had known. Defeat was very close. And with just a whisper, so subtle as a hummingbird's wings, He spoke, 'Can you feel her sadness?' The voice of an angel Defeat did have; an angel of dread. With each syllable spoken, great pain was inflicted, upon those who's ears they fell upon.

'It will take hold of her, the sadness, and lock itself tight within her soul. Do you really believe that she has strength to overcome this well? Let alone others in the future?'

Defeat did not wait for Hope's reply, before he began to laugh, as only evil can. Hope felt her companion stir, and pulled her in closer. Even so, Defeat managed to wake the child's conscience with his hideous taunts. Thus, drawing out a cascade of trembling tears from the child's eyes.

Mondays....

She felt a heaviness in her heart and mind, which gave way to the darkness that once again had consumed her. As she opened her eyes, the cold and dampness surrounding her, took her by surprise. She looked up and realized that the well had swallowed her for certain. Panic took over as her heart began to scream with the fear of knowing she was not alone. With the darkness came an ebony heart, held in the hand of a dangerous foe.

Defeat, he is a wicked one. Devilishly handsome, with breath as sweet as honey. He is the Keeper of the Wells. So many questions seemed to remain in her mind, pounding ever so loudly. She knew that Defeat was keeping them there. He wasn't ever too far away. His lies always traveled down the veins of the soul so smoothly and sugar sweet, that before you could release them, they had conquered your heart again.

Defeat - the creator of Doubt - the gathering one of Second Thoughts...

'Do you really think you can escape me'?
      'You know, you should just give in and deal with this life'.
             'Are you able to move forward without looking back, I didn't think so'.
                   'You can always cry, put on that mask, and act like you love your life'.
                        'Come on, you have a history. Misery loves company. It isn't so bad'.

With each desperate breath, she continued to reach further up the walls, even with the tears blinding her and dampening the stones. She must at least try shouldn't she? Could she? Don't let him tear you down with his dark whispers.

'Keep pulling yourself up there girl'.           

She continued to tell herself, in each tightly drawn breath. This challenge WILL come to pass.

As the day drew to a close, and the darkness filled the well, no light remained to comfort her. She clung onto the thought that Hope would come, as she cried herself to sleep. She wasn't aware that Hope had already pulled her onto her lap, and caressed her face as she wept. Hope whispered to her softly in that blissfully gentle voice - 'In my time my precious one, in my time you will overcome this well'.

Morning of the 4th day....

She knew that the challenge of the wells would be tragically difficult. Yet, not so difficult did they seem, until the strength she conjured up in her bones, would not release and be used. During the exhausting storms of the past days, she slept more than she had in many hours. Power naps became lifetime naps. Thoughts of defeat crawled deep within her, eating away all hope that she will some day be the champion of the well.

This morning as the dreariness cleared the heavens, a little ray of Hope gathered her out of bed. Hope is a powerful being when you acknowledge that She is there. Today, She, pushed her into the shower, to get dressed, and to begin with a tiny game plan for the day. Hope also gave her heart thoughts that the first task at hand would not be easy, but in the long run, it is best for her. Others may be hurt greatly, but now is the time to give herself happiness.


The others will survive, even as they mourn what may have been. Though they may see her decision to walk away as selfish and hateful, years down the road, they will understand that for her to be truly happy and healthy in life, this is what she had to do. Walking away does not come without heartache for her either. 

Today is Wednesday....

The hour is early in the evening, gentle hues of grey and blue dance, as the night arrives slowly. Her mind wanders over the sorrow filled thoughts, stopping briefly to reflect on each. 'How did I allow myself to become so sad? Can I bring myself to overcome these woes and move on to more blissful days'? I believe so she thought to herself. Yet, there will be a multitude of wells to crawl out from, and these challenges will truly make this weary heart stronger...